The Space In Between Read online

  She was preparing me for when it happened to me.

  For right now…with Emery.

  “Would you have gotten married sooner or something?”

  “Probably. I’ll never know.”

  “Dad,” I say, sitting up in bed and moving closer. “I know you probably think that what I have with Emery is stupid. That I can’t know what love is, but honestly, it’s all I do know. Everything else is confusing, but Emery isn’t.”

  “It’s not stupid. I believe what you feel is exactly what you say it is. I also know how you’re feeling right now because I’m feeling it too. I’m stunned to tell you the truth. I mean, I’m the adult here and I let this all happen under my nose without a clue. I don’t know what the right thing to do is, but I get the feeling that it’s not forcing you and Emery apart.”

  Whoa.

  “But Rose…”

  “Rose is her own person apart from our relationship and has her own reasons to want a different outcome here. We haven’t had a chance to talk about it, so I’m not really sure where she stands past what you heard her say earlier, but right now, we don’t agree.”

  “Do you love her like you did mom?”

  “No. I don’t think I will ever love anyone the way I loved your mom, Chris. That was a once in a lifetime thing. But I am in love with Rose. I want and can see a future with her.”

  “She makes you happy.” I state the obvious and he shakes his head.

  “Very. What you said earlier about Emery, it’s the same thing with Rose. She’s shown me what’s important in life. Brought me back. I like the way I am with her; the person I am and the father that I’ve been to you.”

  I can’t argue with him about that. He is different with me now. Rose is the reason for it and if I wasn’t still so raw I’d probably ask him to get her so I could thank her for that.

  In a lot of ways she gave me my father back. She’s doing what my mom wanted the whole time.

  How is it possible that of all the women in the world, the Cayne men somehow found and fell in love with the Carmichaels? Both of them changing our lives in such a monumental way that we can’t imagine life without them?

  “What are we going to do, Dad?”

  “Well first, we’re going to go out and have a conversation about this. Figure out the next step to take. With the way her face went white when you walked by the kitchen, it’s a pretty safe bet that Emery isn’t aware of any of this. We need to figure out how to handle it now so that she can be.”

  “She’s gonna leave me when she finds out, Dad. I can’t…I can’t lose her.”

  “It doesn’t have to come to that, Christian. I know this looks bad and that Rose’s initial reaction isn’t the best, but it doesn’t have to end badly.”

  “How are you so okay with this?”

  “The heart can’t help who it loves. If it could, I’m pretty sure the way I was would have sent your mom running from me years ago. Besides, is it really so wrong? Us being in love with a mother and daughter?”

  “Not to me.” I admit easily, but I don’t have it in me to tell him that the rest of the world doesn’t think the way I do. They’ll have their own opinions and judgements and it might be enough to tear all of us apart.

  There’s no doubt the world is changing, but when it comes to looking at situations like this, what love can do and with who, it’s still not where it needs to be yet. People still need to learn how to open their minds and accept things that might not be the norm.

  “Well, not to me either. For what it’s worth, I think that we need to wait to tell Emery. Ease her into this. It’s not just my relationship with her mother that we have to introduce anymore. It’s your part in it as well.”

  “I don’t get it. If you’re only dating, then I don’t have a part at all.”

  “But it won’t always be dating, son. I told you. I see a future with Rose.”

  “So you’re gonna get married?”

  Lowering his gaze, focusing on my comforter bundled in the corner, he nods slowly, telling me more with his body language than any words ever could, but it’s what he says next that hammers the final nail in the coffin of what Emery and I have.

  “I bought the ring. I was planning on proposing on Valentine’s Day.”

  Fuck.

  I’m going to be her step-brother.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Emery

  Guys are such idiots.

  You want examples? Look no further than my boyfriend.

  It’s been like this for a couple of days now. Ever since he was over at my house and I had to stop kissing him because, unlike him, I had to do my English paper and he’d left me to it.

  It happened again this morning, and I swear it’s getting worse, but before I can make him tell me what’s going on, it’s like a flip switches and he’ll start acting like his normal self.

  The thing is, I’m used to him zoning out. He’s been doing that from the start, but it’s the scowl he doesn’t think I can see and the way he flinches like he’s being physically hurt when someone touches him that changes it.

  Something happened that night.

  Originally, when he snapped at me in the music room, I thought I’d done something. I know, I know. It’s not always about me. He’s allowed to feel and express his frustration and upset at other things, but considering he was fine one minute and now he’s not, it’s hard not thinking it.

  It’s not just me he’s treating differently, which should make me feel a little better, but doesn’t. There’s nothing remotely good about the way he shoved Jonah into the locker earlier, especially since from where I stood outside the office watching, all he’d done was make a joke. Something that for months, Christian’s been a part of and handled just fine.

  So what’s changed now? What’s going on with him, and why is he so intent on taking it out on people instead of just doing the right thing and opening up about it?

  “Mr. Cayne, you haven’t offered much insight today. Why do you think Willy tries to tell Howard about Dave Singleman?”

  “I don’t know, Mr. Baylor, but I’ve got a better question. Why do you even care?”

  See? It’s not just me and Jonah. Even the teachers are paying for it today.

  Ignoring Christian’s outburst, he turns toward the other side of the room, but before he can ask someone else, I clear my throat and shove my hand in the air. Christian might not care what he’s saying and doing right now, but I still do.

  “Yes, Ms. Carmichael?”

  “I think that for Willy, Dave represents why he became a salesman and illustrates the way the profession has changed. Willy just wants Howard to understand the way it was when he started. How it was about personality and establishing long lasting professional relationships.”

  “Nicely done, Emery.” Mr. Baylor congratulates me, causing Christian to snicker before whispering something I can’t hear under his breath.

  “Excuse me?” I turn and stare him down. “What’s your problem?”

  “You are, alright? I mean, can you possibly kiss his ass more?”

  “Office, Mr. Cayne. Now!” Baylor interrupts as I flinch from the venom in his tone. “It appears as though you need a moment to adjust your attitude and that kind of language will not be tolerated in my classroom.”

  “Good. This class blows anyway.”

  Grabbing his bag off the floor, he slams his books into it and throws it over his shoulder, flashing an angry scowl my way before slamming his way to the front of the room and through the portable doors.

  Focusing back on Baylor while trying my hardest not to react to the way Christian just acted, he does a scan of the room before focusing his attention back on the board at the front.

  “If there’s anyone else that feels like following Mr. Cayne’s lead, you can excuse yourself right now and do as I’ve told him. The office is waiting.”

  Lifting my hand in the air again, but smiling so he knows I’m not choosing to join Christian, I wait until he turns a
round and motions for me to speak before asking for a washroom pass.

  I can’t sit here and pretend anymore. Something is seriously wrong with my boyfriend and I’m gonna get to the bottom of it before he blows up worse. The last thing that needs to happen is for him in his anger to lose it physically on someone.

  “Make it quick, Ms. Carmichael. Arthur Miller waits for no man, or woman as it were.”

  Well, newsflash for Mr. Miller. He’s damn well gonna wait for me.

  I’m not coming back to class until I get answers, even if they’re ones I don’t wanna hear.

  Christian is gonna tell me what the hell is going on.

  Christian

  Leaning back against the wall behind me, pulling the front of the chair up with me, I close my eyes and enjoy the coolness on the back of my neck. The first moment in the last two days where I actually feel something other than sick.

  When are you gonna stop making her pay for something she doesn’t even know about?

  Damnit. I’ve been trying. As hard as it’s been going back to normal while keeping everything I know from Emery, I’ve tried my hardest to do it. I know I’m failing and that it’s noticeable, especially with the way everything just went down in English class, but I can’t help it.

  Every time I look at her lately, all I see is her mom kissing my dad. It’s gotten so bad that I spent the majority of last night locked in my room with a contraband bottle of my dad’s bourbon, drinking shot after shot until I was numb enough not to think.

  All that gave me in the end was a night spent bending over the porcelain god.

  She was with me the entire time in my head, hammering away like she always does. Smiling at me, telling me she can’t wait until we’re alone later, and how she loves the feel of my lips on hers. Hell, she even told me she loved me and that hasn’t even happened in real time yet.

  Emery is haunting me every second and my response to it is treating her like shit.

  She’s not the only one paying. Jonah asked me where the keeper to my chain was earlier and I lost it, practically slamming him straight through his locker. I’m pretty damn sure with the force I used, it’s dented and I’m officially down one best friend.

  I can’t bring myself to care. I’m so torn up over what I walked in on that I can’t seem to focus on anything else. Baylor’s not the first teacher I’ve snapped at today either. I’m taking this out on everyone but the two people that deserve it most. It sucks, but I’ve got no other way to handle the influx.

  So overreact, push away, and act like a complete douchebag it is.

  I’ve never hated someone I loved so much in my life.

  Why am I in this position? Why did I have to be the one to come home early and catch them in the act? Why couldn’t we have done it as a team? Or why couldn’t she be the one going through it? Emery is so damn put together that if it had happened to her, I know for a fact that nothing would change.

  She might walk away from me the way I think, but at least she’d stay completely together when she did it. Not get hauled into the office for a nice little chat with the principal.

  “You done acting like a jackass or do I need to prepare for round two?”

  “Baylor finds out you’re here and I’m not the only one that’s gonna be on the principals shit list. Go back to class, Emery.”

  “Screw you, Christian. I managed to go seventeen years without a dad, I’m not looking for someone to fill the position now. Least of all a pissed off little boy who won’t talk about his issues.”

  Rolling my tongue over my teeth, resisting the urge to respond, unsure which side of me would win out—the one pissed off at the world for dealing me this shitty hand or the one head over heels in love with the girl standing in front of him. The girl that despite my rudeness today keeps trying.

  “Figured you wouldn’t have a response for that, so let’s try something that even your clueless brain can understand.”

  “Gee, Ems, tell me how you really feel.” I snap, earning one of her ‘only for Jordan’ eye rolls.

  Damn. I must have really pissed her off if I’m earning those.

  “What happened with you and Jonah this morning? Why did you shove him into the locker?”

  “Cool Whip got pissed.”

  “He passed pissed a long time ago with the size of the bruise on Jonah’s back. Try again.”

  “Emery, I know this gonna be hard for you to do, but do it anyway. Stay out of it.”

  Leaning over me, the shadow of her small frame growing in size until it’s completely shading me in, she reaches out and lifts my head so that my eyes are level to hers and despite my behavior, presses her lips to mine. A move so familiar and so calming that for a split second as it’s happening, I’m completely caught up in the feel of her and able to forget what a jerk I’ve been.

  Pulling away, but staying close enough for her breath to tickle my face, after a few rapid beats of my heart, where I’m seriously debating whether or not to stand up right now and find a secluded spot so I can have my fill of her, I catch her hand starting to lift and before I can react, she slaps me, the heat hitting my face first, followed by the sting of her pain mixing with mine as it hits my cheek.

  “Wake up, Mikey! Stop acting like a jerk!”

  “Do you normally kiss and slap someone when they need a wakeup call?”

  “No, but then again, no one’s reached your level of jerk in a long time so I haven’t had to.”

  Sighing softly when she catches me lifting my hand to rub the place where she made contact, she moves away and throws her body down into the chair beside me.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  “I just had an altercation with a student. I’m gonna wait for Principal Moss. I need to be disciplined.” She answers easily, side smirking before following it up with what I know is the truth. “You can hate the world all you want, Christian, but whatever you’re going through, you’re not going through it alone.”

  She needs to stop. I already know how I feel about her. The last thing I need is a reminder why.

  “I’ll deny you did it.”

  “If you do, then I’ll tell Moss that Baylor made a mistake in class and you weren’t being rude. I’ve been in this chair before for starting stuff, so who do you think he’s gonna believe? Me or the student that’s been pretty much perfect since he got here?”

  This is the problem with dating someone who’s always thinking. They’ve got things mapped out before you can even wrap your mind around the first idea. With me moving here and being a model student up until now, it’s a guarantee that he won’t believe a word I say and just release me back to class.

  “Please talk to me. Even if you just wanna keep snapping back and forth because you’ve got a lot on your mind and can’t talk about it. I’ll take it. But stop acting like a jackass to everyone.”

  “I can’t.” I finally break down, give in and admit. She has no idea how much I want to tell her everything because then the weight wouldn’t be all mine, but all I see when I do that is her going into shock, turning away and never seeing her again.

  Dramatic sure, but with the idea of her leaving me mixing with the promise I made our parents to keep my mouth shut the night I found them together, dramatic is all I’ve got.

  Emery isn’t exactly known for letting the big stuff slide. She’s an all or nothing kind of girl and since this has to do with her family too, or what’s left of it before my dad goes ahead and proposes in a couple of weeks, I know that when I tell her, she’ll go all in here too, just not in the way I want her to.

  She’ll go all in for her mom’s happiness.

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  “Both.”

  “Chris,” she sighs again before leaning over and resting her head on my shoulder. An innocent move that is anything but. “Just tell me who I’ve gotta kill.”

  Your mom. My dad. Life. The World.

  The list can go on and on, but I can’t say any of them. I know that if I
want to keep her with me, I’ve gotta change the way I’ve been acting or my worst fear is going to become reality, but when faced with telling her truth as the only other option, this seems safer. Maybe I can keep doing what I’ve been doing all day and she won’t want to kick my ass.

  Who am I kidding? If I keep acting bi-polar with her, an ass kicking is the least of my worries.

  This girl would bury me.

  “I’m sorry…”

  “I know, and I’m sorry too. I learned a while ago that you’re not exactly the most forthcoming when you’re stressed or upset, but I keep trying anyway. I just can’t stand seeing you turn mean when I know that’s not how you are.”

  “You’re right. I’m being an ass. I’m just not dealing right.”

  “Does this have something to do with your dad?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Figured as much.” She answers softly, understanding even though I’m only giving her half of what’s really going on.

  Lies by omission are still lies and no one knows that more than me.

  I’m going to hell for this.

  “What’s going on with him?”

  “He’s gonna propose to his girlfriend soon. He told me about it the other day. I’m having a hard time dealing with it. I don’t want it to happen.”

  Lifting her head off my shoulder and my heart tightening with the loss of her, she places a hand on my cheek and turns me toward her. “Why not?”

  “It’s just not the right move. It’s too soon. I don’t think she’s right for him.”

  Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.

  I’m officially the King of BS. Screw Cool Whip. I’ve got a new title.

  “Do you feel that way because you think she’s going to replace your mom?”

  “She could never replace my mom, Emery.” There it is. The anger. I was wondering when this conversation was going to hit the skids and it would make a comeback. I didn’t have to wait as long as I thought. “But since we’re on the topic, your mom is dating too. If she came home tonight and told you that the guy she was seeing proposed, what would you say? Would you be alright with it?”